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December 15, 2005
Welcome to this issue of "Executive Presence Tips" by Paul Aldo, Managing Partner, IPS. Please send your feedback and comments to paul.aldo@executivepresence.com. In e-Tip #2, we discussed what to be candid about. We certainly can't tell everything to everyone all of the time, so where do we draw the line? To review Tip #2, click here. In this tip, we help you understand how to go about being candid. How can we improve our ability to discuss difficult things without appearing defensive, alienating, or confrontational? First of all, it's important to acknowledge that candidly talking with others who are questioning our judgment, capability, or results can be uncomfortable. When we must do this, and there are certainly times when we must, we often become defensive or confrontational. That's because we feel threatened and a little out of control. We want others to think highly of us, regardless of what we might have done. At the same time, we often feel equally uncomfortable candidly talking with others about their shortcomings and what they might do to fix them. When we have these discussions, which are usually too infrequent, our tendency is to become indirect and evasive. That's because we don't like to hurt people's feelings, at least face-to-face, or open the door to an emotional encounter. Although these two situations may seem unrelated, they are not. Both require emotional intelligence as the foundation for candidly and constructively engaging with others. Emotional Intelligence and Executive Presence The emotional intelligence in good executive presence provides a foundation for self-management that enables us to be candid without being defensive or confrontational. Here are some of its key characteristics.
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 Self-awareness, self-discipline, and empathy are factors that add up to a different way of being smart - one Goleman terms "emotional intelligence." - Emotional Intelligence, Why it can matter more than IQ Innocence in genius, and candor in power, are both noble qualities. - Anne Louise Germaine de Stael It is always well to accept your own shortcomings with candor but to regard those of your friends with polite incredulity. - J. Russel Lynes An artful critique focuses on what a person has done and can do rather reading a mark of character into a job poorly done. - Daniel Goleman The first element that seems to make such communication (on-going regard for another person) more powerful is directness. Appreciation or admiration is delivered directly to the person, not to others about the person. - How The Way We Talk Can Change The Way We Work Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom. - Thomas Jefferson The importance of candor to executive presence cannot be overestimated. That's because most people know something is up when we're not fully forthcoming. This is unacceptable for a leader and works against any executive presence you're trying to project. As leaders, we must always be seen as truthful and trusted. - Paul Aldo, Ph.D. |
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Paul Aldo is available as a speaker for corporate and trade association meetings. Executive presence workshops are available onsite at your location and in open workshops in Atlanta, Georgia. Executive presence coaching is available in individual and group coaching sessions.